‘If you feel tired, you should try working’


I took a brief itenary of my day for the person that told me ‘if you feel tired, you should try working’. Hope it explains my fatigue, despite my obvious indolence :)

3.30am Soothing child who has apparently fallen off a building in a dream

3.45  Remember I haven’t filled to advent calendar. Fill advent calendar. Other things to remember: make appointments for opticians and dentist, create costume for child’s Christmas play by Friday. 

3.50-6.30 Fail to go back to sleep

6.45 Awoken by child climbing in bed

7.00 Yesterday I got up at 7 to do the dishes and tiding but realise this is not going to happen today because I’m actually dead.

7.30 Get up. Try and feed a child that won’t eat anything but mince pies because the squishy frog in the advent calendar had put him off food (except pies). Pack water bottle. Pack snack. 

8.30 Walk child to school. Swear. Walk home, collect goddamn trumpet, walk back to school, deposit trumpet in school office. Walk home the scenic route to try and reconnect with nature. Trees. Birds. Autumnal dampness.

9.30 Pack orders. My printer refuses to connect so I’m trying to hand write all the address labels and I’m so stressed I’ve forgotten how to write and my face has gone numb.

11.00 Post office. Manage to not fight the man standing behind complaining. Even when he gets very racist about Megan Markle. Get the incompetent post lady who is trying to put my letters through as large letters; it’s going to cost me a fortune. Incompetent post lady is also deaf. Manage to resolve the situation though a combination of bellowing loudly and looking like I’m going to cry.

11.30 Trying to find something quick to eat in sainsbury's but they don’t have any food that I can eat immediately, and suitable for a lactose intolerant vegetarian. Desperately want a pie. Get frozen Linda McCartney ones;  choose a ’Country Pie’; I hope it’s a tasty country and not one of the ones currently causing me indigestion (eg, Britain, or America). Manage to get out without hearing ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham, I’m nailing the Whammageddon challenge this year.

12.00 Put pie in oven, and set timer because my future happiness really depends on this. Have a cup of coffee with actual caffeine in. Remember why I don’t drink caffeine. I think they call these racing thoughts but that’s misleading because  races are orderly and happen in straight lines. I think they should call them ‘swarm of angry bee’ thoughts. 

12.15 Carry on making the zipper pouches I started last night a presents for my friends, while anxiously debating the merits of zipper pouches as gifts. Conclude they are obviously great gifts. What else would you get the person who has everything but a zipper pouch to put their everything in? I am a genius. Pleased to have done all my sewing for the year now! Victory! Hurrah!

12.30 Pie time! Mmmmm pie. I wish I cooked both pies, I’m still hungry. For pie. Maybe I should have chosen the pie with leek in, I haven’t eaten anything green for a while. Is leek green?

1.00 Sort out some problems with a file for my printer caused by my computer refusing to connect to the internet last night and subsequent small breakdown on my part. Chase up invoices to the galleries which is the worse, why can’t they just pay me? Sort out someone whose order went missing while feeling grateful she’s being nice and not screaming at me.

2.00 Choice between tiding or listing, blogging and taking pictures for Instagram. Try and do  all, ineffectually. Realise I have not fixed the hole in my sons trousers so haven’t finished sewing for the year. Fix trousers. Can now definitely pack away sewing machine and vacuum all the many bits of thread and lint clinging to my person, the carpet, everything I own.

3.10 Collect child, make popcorn, feed him. Ask many questions about school.The washing up has kindly waited for me, an I also do the ironing so I can pack away the ironing board as NO MORE SEWING means NO MORE IRONING. Also, I’ve walked my 10,000 steps now, so I’m HEALTHY.

4.30 Tea and mild hysteria. Also find an unironed shirt in the tumbledryer. That ain’t gonna get ironed this year. Arrange to swap some sticky animals for Pokemon with another parent struggling with advent calendars.

5.30 Time for yoga class which is good because my spine hurts,  along with most of the rest of me. Also means it’s not me that has to make dinner today. Aaaah, such relax (except my legs, which are very tired, though obviously not tired like they would be if I were WORKING) 

8.00 Read with child, put child to bed. Try out some new apps. Do instagram. List things on Etsy; definetly not work because I’m doing in bed on the iPad, which is obviously just playing on the internet. 

11.00 Go to bed. Sleep until 6.00 when I wake with the realisation I haven’t filled the fucking advent calendar AGAIN. Fill advent calendar. 

7.00 Up and ready for another fun day full of NOT WORKING.

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